i sighed a lot

sigh..
geez. do i need to sigh first?
i'm having a lot of issues lately.. student's life..
gah.. oh ya, i've wanted to post something since last night, but blogger isn't being nice with me last night, idk why. it really pissed me off.
anyway last night too, i googled for my future. geez.
i looked through somebody's pic, suddenly i got interested with Civil Aviation.
and i tried googling for related courses in aviation.
and i found UniKL. and i found courses like Diploma in Aircraft Maintenance Technology,
Diploma of Engineering Technology in Aeroplane Maintenance.
but the requirements failed me. sigh..and geez, Aviation?? woot! so so so not me.
and suddenly, i remembered of my cousin in Unisel. so i googled Unisel, and look through its courses, and of all courses, i got interested with Diploma in TESL. okay this one fits me. well, since i favorited  English language (though i must admit that i'm not super good with my English yet) and the requirement fits me. 
but then, lots of thoughts came running my mind. sigh..
if i applied there and got accepted, then i have to start all over again as junior. damn, i'm not getting any younger and i have to start again? my other friends now are either already hold a diploma in their hands or taking degree now, and on the other hand, i just started my first semester taking diploma at the age of . . . grrr.. ohhh. geez.. where have i been all this time? what have i been doing?? sigh..
then, i thought of my dad. i really pity my dad. even though he worked in the government sectors doesn't mean we can live well now without all the money problems, i really don't want to burden him with my problems. you know, flight cost, study loan agreement and lotsa other documents. if we're rich, . . .
sigh.. money again. it's always about the money.
sighhh..
restarting all over again won't be a problem, but the money . . hmmm..
a lot of consequences i have to consider. 
i just not only browsing for studies opportunity, but jobs also in government sectors.
hmmm.. i know i've not been a very pious person. who am i anyway..
i seriously care about my family, my mom, and my dad especially.
i really don't want to add any more money problem to them.
for now, i wish my younger siblings study well, and make sure they don't follow the footsteps of mine, i really hope, right after they got their results, they won't delay their times of continuing their studies. that's my prayer. i hope God would hear me this time.