if it hurts

i'm completely lost. i'm all about that peer issues. seriously.
i don't know la. or maybe it was just me.
i'm very silent these few days. i don't talk a lot, especially to this one friend. *sigh
she were speaking as if i'm invisible, and that she can see right through me.
i even start to wonder if i'm alive. last time, they were planning on an outing. they just planned on without hearing from me. 
but i know i won't be left alone, and i know how awkward it would be if i go out with them.
and thanks to my other friend who's staying at the hostel, at least i got company.
and the day were just me and her. we went to other place without THEM.
i actually almost gave up, you see, as in my previous post, i'm not happy. 
for now, i can't seem to turn to my so-called friends room mates. 
can i blame them? or should i blame myself?
to be true, i'm not angry, not pissed, or hurt at all. i just don't understand them.
seriously i'm worried. 
i don't know why and what is the point of being worried.
i'm too a bit frustrated being treated like this. imagine, we have the same class and i waited at the college, sit all by myself with headphones stuck on my ears looking at people like an idiot for two hours for class to start as well waiting for them to come but they didn't. and what makes it even worse is that i know it from a friend and i weren't inform of their absence by themselves.  great. just great.
what's the point of keeping my number then if they didn't even bother to text me and tell me anything about it?
yeah, i'm frustrated. but no, i'm not pissed, just frustrated.
thanks, for the hint-like. i got it. my previous post is linked to this post. it's related.
that's why i googled for uni's and colleges and jobs last night.
gosh, i don't know how long can i put up with this.
i need signs. i need someone who can inspire me, someone who has the aura of uplifting my spirit. i need someone who can speak to me and tell me something good.
lately, i've spent a lot of my time alone and thinking to myself.
*sighh..lotsa thoughts running..

sick!

Grr! this broadband is really sick.
i'm totally sick of it!
and added by this ungrateful girl living in the same house as we do.
i really get sick. pergh. i hate her. seriously.
some people just have no shame. which is no surprise.
pfft kids. i'm sick seeing her doing nothing like she's the queen. 
ahh! BENCI! ok. now i'm reminded that Hate is a sin.
i just couldn't help myself. she's really a pain in the arse.
bengang ku doe! nang sik sedar dirik alu. dah la senang2 jak minta top-up, pa jak di polah nya di rumah tok?
 nya tok sapa? dah la minta top-up, duduk2 goyang kaki jak di rumah.
sik penah mok mhargai apa di beri oleh parent. soon, our parent will no longer be your parent. 
O MY GOSH! THIS IS FREAKING SICK! i just don't know her anymore. she became someone i knew. she's a stranger to my family now. Good luck with your future, once you left us, there will be no more us. 
POOF! buhbye. please don't come looking for us ever. you're on your own now.
eey! geram aih pikir sal mpuan tok. adik aku kah tok?? rela ku diam ngan adik yang cacat dari ku diam ngan adik yang normal tapi sik pande guna otak. orang nego pun dah melenting. nang sik boleh di tego.
eran. pegi gereja pun sik mok. kena rasuk ka apa?
kali nya pikir kamek org tok anok nya saja2 mok nyakit ati nya bha. nya sik pikir kamek orang tok macam ney. kamek orang tok lagi bengang dari nya. jaoh lam ati, kamek orang kecewa bha! aduinaaa. nda tau mau bilang apa suda ni. cakap teda guna sudah. tapi makin lama dia ada sama kami urang sini, makin sia sakit ati tengok dia.

can i stay forever?

pergh..i'm so tired.got back from church then had breakfast, then go buy things.. my neck hurts. maybe ku salah tido semalam. dah la tido aher gik ya. ne ndak, gara-gara layan game KFC Tucky².. huhu.. dekat kol 1 bok benti main. in a blink of an eye, hari tok dah 1 Ogos, FRiendship Day is today. and what's more depressing is, i'm leaving in roughly 39 hrs. ugh! i hate to leave! the first time i left my family was exactly in August last year, it was quite hard. cause i'm going to a big city without my family accompany me. :( i still remember, i tried hard not to cry in the bus. i pretended to be okay, like it was just a small matter. but really, that is the first time i ever stay away from my family for a long period of time. then once i arrived to where the hostel is, i called my dad, damn, i just cant controlled it. i tried hard not to burst into tears. i just couldnt help. but i adjusted with times and places, and i got used. i'm quite a flexible person actually. maybe this long holiday just makes me hard to leave my family. balit tok klak, adoh.. pening gik palak pikir tok. pasal RUMAH. aie.. dah ya c Bebeng gik padah mok quit.. ergh!! i'm done, and i'm going to sleep. i'm just so sleepy and plus the nice weather to sleep in, it's raining here in Mukah.